​The Hardest Year of My Life

Most times we never see the event coming that will change our lives forever. In one instance, we become different people. Sometimes we don't recognize the significance of a moment until years later. My one moment occurred during an icy winter just over a decade ago. I was carrying water to the outside animals in a large canning pot. I slipped in the ice and fell hard. I landed in a sitting position, still holding the pot because I didn't want to spill the water. My husband asked, "Are you alright?" I shakily replied, "I don't know." I would usually reply, I'm fine, and laugh in embarrassment. I wasn't in immediate pain, but it didn't feel right. 

Driving combine cutting wheat!

It took a while for the pain to set in. I thought I would be fine with some rest and ibuprofen. I probably waited a month before I seen a doctor, and by then I was a mess. I couldn't lift a pot of coffee with my right hand anymore. I couldn't sit, stand, or walk without pain. I could only lay on my left side somewhat comfortably. I was uncomfortable driving, or even riding. I started to use my left hand for almost all tasks. I had stabbing pains throughout my lower back and down my leg. My shoulder hurt and pain shot down my arm. The middle of my back felt like I was being stabbed. I had to ask the doctor for a medical withdrawal note, because I was failing my college classes. I hurt too much to read and understand the material. I hurt too much to sit at a keyboard and type. I was in tears explaining this to the doctor. He prescribed antidepressants and said I was overly stressed. He said my middle back pain was from ulcers resulting from ibuprofen use. He said my hand pain and loss of strength was carpal tunnel and provided me a brace. He said everything else would be fine in time and gave me muscle relaxers and vicodin. I was in so much pain, I didn't question him. I didn't push for Xrays or tests. 

Out weeding, checking equipment

The problem was it never got better. The prescriptions did little in the way of relief and nothing for improvement of quality of life. I couldn't push a shopping cart or pick up groceries to put in the cart. I had to have the help of my kids for almost every household chore. I hurt so bad and felt utterly worthless. I cried and I prayed and I cried some more. The doctor never seemed concerned that I was still asking for pain meds 3 months, 6 months, even a year later. He said I would just have to learn to live with the pain.  I didn't know if I could. It felt like my life was over.  I was only 35, and I had nothing but pain and misery.



Someone finally suggested a chiropractor. I was extremely reluctant, but even more desperate. It worked for me. After the first visit, I finally had some relief from the pain. It took frequent visits to the chiropractor to regain function, but I still struggled with the pain. He ordered Xrays to see what was going on with my spine, and he discovered a compression fracture in the middle of my back.  I am sure that was only part of the medical issues resulting from that fall. That was the proof that made me realize, it wasn't all just in my head. I wasn't just stressed.  

Living the Dream of Big Tractors, Hard Work, and Long Hours!

Recovery was long and hard, and every journey like that develops us as a person.  I learned its ok to ask for help. I don't have to do it all myself. I also learned to advocate for myself. It's not okay to have you pain ignored. More importantly, I learned to appreciate everything. I still hurt, but I have regained my strength and ability.  I work hard and play hard, because in one moment everything can change. Hard work is a blessing when you thought you would never be able to work again. I graduated college. I started working on the farm. Some days I come home tired and hurting, but I am still so grateful. Everything is an achievement to me! I'm not bedridden, and I have so much to look forward to. The motto of my TractorJen page is "living the dream of big tractors, hard work, and long hours," I really mean it. When I was writing this post, I wasn't sure what pictures to include. So much of this story is about pain, but I really want this to be about triumph. Being able to do everything I can now is such a blessing, and I will never forget it.