Conversations with my Husband

My husband and I do not talk about farming very much, except for conversations that almost always go like this. "How many acres do you have left?"

Immediate panic fills me. Pop quiz and I don't know the answer, again. I hopefully reply, "Over half." I can tell right away that answer is not adequate.

He continues, "Are you past that long rocky finger on the south side?"

"Um, I'm not sure there are all kinds of rocky fingers. I'm not at the corner yet"

"Well, are you past the dump?"

I search through my visual memory and vaguely remember a bunch of rusted stuff over a hill. I confidently reply, "Yes!"

Then he asks, "Have you gotten to the pile of posts?"

I give a blank stare. "A pile of posts isn't a landmark"

He returns my blank stare. I guess a pile of posts is a landmark.

I pull out my camera and hopefully say, "This is my picture from my last round" My picture shows a slight hint of a road, beautiful clouds, and the middle of the field.



My hubby sighs.

I try to cheer him up with my other beautiful pictures, but it's not working. Clearly I have failed this pop quiz.

This might be why we don't have many farming conversations. At least he loves me anyways, and tonight I can tell him I seen that pile of posts! 

​The Hardest Year of My Life

Most times we never see the event coming that will change our lives forever. In one instance, we become different people. Sometimes we don't recognize the significance of a moment until years later. My one moment occurred during an icy winter just over a decade ago. I was carrying water to the outside animals in a large canning pot. I slipped in the ice and fell hard. I landed in a sitting position, still holding the pot because I didn't want to spill the water. My husband asked, "Are you alright?" I shakily replied, "I don't know." I would usually reply, I'm fine, and laugh in embarrassment. I wasn't in immediate pain, but it didn't feel right. 

Driving combine cutting wheat!

It took a while for the pain to set in. I thought I would be fine with some rest and ibuprofen. I probably waited a month before I seen a doctor, and by then I was a mess. I couldn't lift a pot of coffee with my right hand anymore. I couldn't sit, stand, or walk without pain. I could only lay on my left side somewhat comfortably. I was uncomfortable driving, or even riding. I started to use my left hand for almost all tasks. I had stabbing pains throughout my lower back and down my leg. My shoulder hurt and pain shot down my arm. The middle of my back felt like I was being stabbed. I had to ask the doctor for a medical withdrawal note, because I was failing my college classes. I hurt too much to read and understand the material. I hurt too much to sit at a keyboard and type. I was in tears explaining this to the doctor. He prescribed antidepressants and said I was overly stressed. He said my middle back pain was from ulcers resulting from ibuprofen use. He said my hand pain and loss of strength was carpal tunnel and provided me a brace. He said everything else would be fine in time and gave me muscle relaxers and vicodin. I was in so much pain, I didn't question him. I didn't push for Xrays or tests. 

Out weeding, checking equipment

The problem was it never got better. The prescriptions did little in the way of relief and nothing for improvement of quality of life. I couldn't push a shopping cart or pick up groceries to put in the cart. I had to have the help of my kids for almost every household chore. I hurt so bad and felt utterly worthless. I cried and I prayed and I cried some more. The doctor never seemed concerned that I was still asking for pain meds 3 months, 6 months, even a year later. He said I would just have to learn to live with the pain.  I didn't know if I could. It felt like my life was over.  I was only 35, and I had nothing but pain and misery.



Someone finally suggested a chiropractor. I was extremely reluctant, but even more desperate. It worked for me. After the first visit, I finally had some relief from the pain. It took frequent visits to the chiropractor to regain function, but I still struggled with the pain. He ordered Xrays to see what was going on with my spine, and he discovered a compression fracture in the middle of my back.  I am sure that was only part of the medical issues resulting from that fall. That was the proof that made me realize, it wasn't all just in my head. I wasn't just stressed.  

Living the Dream of Big Tractors, Hard Work, and Long Hours!

Recovery was long and hard, and every journey like that develops us as a person.  I learned its ok to ask for help. I don't have to do it all myself. I also learned to advocate for myself. It's not okay to have you pain ignored. More importantly, I learned to appreciate everything. I still hurt, but I have regained my strength and ability.  I work hard and play hard, because in one moment everything can change. Hard work is a blessing when you thought you would never be able to work again. I graduated college. I started working on the farm. Some days I come home tired and hurting, but I am still so grateful. Everything is an achievement to me! I'm not bedridden, and I have so much to look forward to. The motto of my TractorJen page is "living the dream of big tractors, hard work, and long hours," I really mean it. When I was writing this post, I wasn't sure what pictures to include. So much of this story is about pain, but I really want this to be about triumph. Being able to do everything I can now is such a blessing, and I will never forget it. 

The Tsnownami and How I Almost Got Stuck in my Chicken House

This winter has had some snow and wind, resulting in a tsnownami of a snow drift covering my chicken house. It was over ten feet tall and a hundred feet in length. There was an area I could still dig my way in, but the drifts kept getting bigger. One day it was 10 degrees, snowing and blowing. There was over a foot of new snow on top of the hard drift, but I needed to take care of my chickens.


This was taken a day after Randy plowed out my drift. It drifted back in a bit over night, but I could shovel it out.

I knew I couldn't dig all the way through. I was sinking in past my knees with each step, so I ended up crawling to the top of the drift and carved steps down into the chicken house. I cleaned out in front of the door and squeezed myself in. I fed and watered, and collected one egg. The snow was collecting at the base of the door and it was even harder to squeeze my way out. Then I started to climb out, but I kept slipping. The steps were full of new snow and I couldn't get any traction. When I was standing inside the chicken house, the drift was over four feet tall and nearly vertical. I had left the shovel outside.


View from inside the chicken house looking out. Again, this is after plowing.

I finally just threw myself as high as I could onto the drift and started wallowing around until I got to the top. By then I am exhausted, and the drift was so difficult to climb up earlier, so I just decided to roll over and over to the bottom. I am relieved to have made it out of there, but then remembered I had an egg, in my pocket. Which somehow, miraculously, did not end up scrambled. I asked my husband that night to dig out the drift with the tractor, which he thankfully did the next day. I can't wait for this winter to end!